We all have some regrets—those little and big decisions in life that we wish we could undo. It’s human nature to dwell on our past choices, labeling them as “mistakes” and berating ourselves for the paths we took. A bad marriage that ended in a contentious divorce. A career move that turned out to be a poor fit. These moments often haunt us, but what if they weren’t really mistakes at all?

What if those so-called “mistakes” were actually necessary steps that brought us to the life we’re living now—a life that might, in its own way, be just right?

Every decision we make informs the next one. Each choice, whether it feels right or wrong at the time, teaches us something invaluable about ourselves. Through every experience, our preferences become clearer, our understanding deepens, and our future decisions are made with greater wisdom. Yet, we don’t always know the best course of action at the outset. Life, by its very nature, requires a certain amount of trial and error.

The beauty of this process is that even our perceived missteps play a critical role. While it’s easy to isolate a single decision and criticize it harshly, when we zoom out and view it as part of the larger picture, its value often becomes evident. What initially seemed like a detour or a disaster might have been the very thing that set us on the path toward a better, more fulfilling life.

Think about your first relationships. They might not have been the healthiest or the happiest. They may even feel like mistakes or wasted time now. But didn’t those experiences teach you what to look for—and what to avoid—in future relationships? Didn’t they train you to be more discerning and self-aware?  Are you now in a better relationship and does that have at least a little to do with your previous relationship misteps?

The same goes for your first jobs. Maybe you couldn’t stand the work, the environment, or the role itself. Perhaps you counted the minutes until you could leave and regretted chasing the opportunity. But wasn’t the next opportunity all the sweeter for it? Didn’t you approach it with clearer priorities and a deeper understanding of what you truly wanted?  The previous ‘mistakes’ made you much better at looking for and, importantly, asking more exactly what you now know you need!

This isn’t a coincidence—it’s growth. Every experience, even the difficult ones, advises and trains us, offering the perspective and relativity we need to thrive. Without those “mistakes,” we might never arrive at the clarity required to make better choices.

So, instead of dwelling on our history of missteps with frustration or regret, what if we reframed them as essential stepping stones? These moments, however challenging, are often the very catalysts that lead us toward our happiest and most authentic lives.

Of course, it’s unrealistic to expect ourselves to celebrate when things go wrong. Mistakes hurt. But perhaps we can offer ourselves a bit of grace. Perhaps we can acknowledge that those tough moments—the failed relationships, the wrong turns, the less-than-ideal jobs—are not failures at all. They’re part of the process, essential in shaping who we are and guiding us toward what’s next.

In the end, our so-called “mistakes” make us smarter, stronger, and better equipped for life. They are not just setbacks; they are vital lessons. And in that sense, mistakes are not only inevitable—they’re essential. 

(**Disclaimer:  I am not suggesting impetuous or reckless behavior that will increase the likelihood of silly mistakes.  In fact, just the opposite — be careful and as disciplined as possible when making life decisions applying all the information, knowledge, intuition and third party advice to make the best decisions possible no matter what.  But, if /when you make a mistake, know that it’s all part of life, adds strength and character and, when used correctly, brings you to an increasingly informed stage in life.  And, don’t be too hard on yourself along the way.  Nobody is perfect.)