Picking Battles

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Aligned with some of the thinking in a previous blog called Don’t Engage (https://smartersooner.com/2016/06/03/dont-engage/), this blog suggests a very important strategy when dealing with conflict among friends, family and significant others. It’s called “Picking your Battles” and the name conveys it all. Picking your Battles simply means that one should carefully think about which ‘conflicts’ are worth arguing.  In other words, if you subscribe to ‘picking your battles’, you’ll only argue, challenge or otherwise ‘dig in’ when it’s a truly important matter. At first glance (in the heat of the moment) lots of things may seem substantial enough to justify arguing, but if you wait a few minutes and really consider it, you’ll often realize that it’s just smarter to keep quiet and move on. There are lots of reasons to be conscious of this. First and foremost, people who argue about ‘every little detail’ (or always have something to say) are annoying and taken less seriously. These people can aggravate their friends and family, and waste a lot energy in the process. Conversely, people who are very selective about their arguments and statements, are much more likely to be acknowledged when they do, in fact, make an argument or have something to day. The Smarter Sooner strategy is obvious here!

In the normal course of a relationship with friends, family and significant others, we can all find lots of things that we don’t necessarily agree with or otherwise have varying opinions about. These can be big and little things. If you made a point to correct or argue each and every issue, it would be quite tiresome and likely a waste of time. So many things will transpire in the exact same manner whether you choose to say something about it or not. On the other hand, if you’re generally more tolerant and only speak up when absolutely necessary, your words will have much more impact.  Remember, you’re not put on this earth to police people.

My brother-in-law talked about this a long time ago in relation to his marriage to my sister. I’ve not forgotten it and witnessed his behavior accordingly on a number of occasions. At the beginning of his marriage to my sister, he very frankly said, “I pick my battles because it’s definitely not worth arguing about everything.” That resonated with me and later occurred me to me as being VERY mature (he was being Smarter Sooner!). Finding it a waste of time and energy (and generally unnecessary) to have something to say all the time, he carefully picks his battles. When something TRULY is upsetting to him, he brings it up and my sister is much more likely to listen. My sister has a strong personality and my brother-in-law reads the room well. We all have our threshold for being instructed, ‘barked at’, etc. Think how this applies in so many different circumstances, including in the car when somebody is backseat driving. Backseat driving only really gets annoying when that person has something to say ALL THE TIME even when it’s really unnecessary. When the ‘back seat driver’ is being selective, he’s not annoying and his commentary is likely well-received.

The person who is SmarterSooner is thoughtful about how much or little he engages in arguments, instructing others, etc. Less is definitely more in these circumstances. Try taking a deep breath and being quiet next time you feel compelled to ‘say something’. I guarantee it will be soothing to just observe without saying anything.

Don’t ENGAGE!

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7927601 - an irritated young man driving a vehicle is expressing his road rage.

We’re all human and when we feel slighted, attacked or threatened in some way, our instinct is to respond in some way (yell, argue, fight, hold our ground or, in other words, ENGAGE).   In some (rare) cases, it’s important to engage, but in most cases, it’s a COMPLETE WASTE OF ENERGY and something the Smarter Sooner person would avoid. Why avoid these types of thing? Because nothing good comes from these exchanges, other than unhealthy stress, negativity, embarrassment and more. I most recently saw an episode of this happening in a WalMart…Read More »

Point of Diminishing Returns

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53891816 - an illustration of downward trend or diminishing return

The best and, in many cases, the most common Point of Diminishing Return happens as the evening gets later when you’re at a bar, party or club. We’ve all experienced this… we are out for an evening on the town having a great time, drinking and socializing. The music is loud, the drinks are flowing fast, but it’s getting later and you’re getting tired. You’ve had a few drinks at this point and you’re feeling good and have had a nice night with your friends (meeting new people, whatever). At some point as the evening goes on, the quality of the evening hits a peak, plateaus and then starts descending / deteriorating. The point at which the night starts getting worse is the exact Point of Diminishing Returns, where the ‘returns’ or ‘gains’ for the evening start evaporating.Read More »

A Simple Bottle of Wine

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When you’re invited to a party, dinner or similar, make it a rule to bring something. If you’re invited as a guest to somebody’s house, bring something. If you attend somebody’s birthday, bring something. Be gracious and go beyond the call of duty in these situations, even if you are not expected to bring anything. This applies even if you know the hosts of the event very well… (in that case, you really know what they need or like).  And, as often as possible, ask the host what you can bring or do to help prior to arriving. Asking this question alone suggests that you are appreciative of being invited and generally conscientious. Even if the thing you bring is very small, it will be well-appreciatedRead More »

Tattoo Remorse?

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The more I travel, particularly in South America and Europe, the more people with tattoos I see.   In addition, so many professional athletes, artists, actors and other celebrities have tattoos and tattoo parlors are popping up on city blocks everywhere.   With increasing popularity (and trendiness) tattoos are everywhere and they seem like a fantastic way to express our interests, dreams, religion, significant others, kids and more. Watch an NBA game or music video and pay attention to the ink.  It’s hard to miss. We become walking billboards of sorts and can ‘say’ a lot without saying a word.   Many tattoo artists are skilled and creative and much of the work is really impressive – I often admire good tattoo art. But, it’s my job as the Smarter Sooner guy to suggest that you think VERY SERIOUSLY about getting a Tattoo first. Here’s why…

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3 Things I Regret

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regrets

As I reflect on my college and high school years, I regret not doing three important things: 1) taking a semester or more abroad, 2) focusing on learning a second language, and 3) participating in some sort of drama or acting program. Here’s why and some things to think about to help you avoid regrets like these:

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Key to Success: Be an Expert

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expertSimply put, becoming a true expert in your field will increase your success. It’s a fact, but it’s something that I didn’t learn until much later.   No matter what you do, the more expertise you have, the more successful you will be.

Think about any successful people you know. Their success is most likely directly associated with their knowledge, familiarity and fluency with their line of work. The better your skills and the more knowledge you have, the more valuable you are in the workplace. Employers know the difference between those people who simply try to coast through versus those who are genuinely applying themselves. Just like in sports, you can be a player like everyone else, or you can be the MVP.

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Moderation & the 80/20 Rule

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moderationEpicurus (the philosopher) brilliantly once said, “Be moderate in order to taste the joys of life in abundance.” What Epicurus is saying is that by doing things in moderation, we won’t (likely) ever have to exclude ourselves from things that give us joy.   If we stop for a minute and think, we all would agree that doing things in moderation (e.g. not “overdoing it”) is smarter and more sustainable in one’s life. The key is to remember this and apply the required discipline sooner than later.

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Three F-Words to Know

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DecisionMaking

In life, we make a lot of decisions. Sometimes they’re easy and many times they’re not so easy. About 10-years ago, I started using three “F” words as a filter to help me make a number of decisions. The three words are Fame, Fortune and Fun and I call this the “3-F” Rule. It’s really simple and I’ve used it a lot. I really wish I had used it sooner in life!

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Positive vs. Negative Thoughts

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This blog is a reminder of the impact of a very old principle: that Likes Attract. The person who is Smarter Sooner knows this especially as it applies to thinking and saying positive things. Simply put, the more you behave / think / speak in a positive way, the more positive things you will have in your life. It’s so simple.

Power-of-positive-thinking

Conversely, when you’re generally negative in your thinking and speaking, you are more likely to attract negative things in your life.   If it takes the same amount of energy to be positive as it does to be/think negatively, why would you not be more positive? This is a very simple concept and something that, unfortunately, many people don’t realize and apply.   If the simple act of being positive would bring more goodness into your life, why wouldn’t you simply think positively? It’s a reminder that all of us can use. I believe that more people would apply this if they actually thought about it. Test if for yourself and see what happens.

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